Brain Farts and Other It-can-happen-to-you Moments.

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time.

@postaday 239; #postaday2011.

This morning I left the house early to go to Koko Marina Shopping Center for a venti skinny caramel macchiato. It’s sitting right here at my left. I haven’t had any yet. I’m not ready for it. But maybe I should reconsider the delay of starting my caffeine drip. Things happen to me. To wit:

1. Depart said Starbucks and proceed to van, squeezing remote key. Van does not respond. Curse remote key. Realize it’s not my van. Glad it’s dark. Still, I am certain someone had to have seen that.

2. Pull up to gas pump with gas thingy on correct side (yay!). Pop open gas thingy. Slide credit card through reader with magnetic strip positioned correctly (yay!). Insert nozzle into gas thingy. Nozzle doesn’t fit. Freak out. WTHell? Realize van doesn’t take diesel. In broad daylight. Other drivers pumping gas pretend not to notice.

3. Go to school to pick up child. Get weird looks from the staff as I go to sign out said child (is my shirt buttoned? Did my skirt ride up? Do I have a run in my stocking?). Look around cafeteria without spotting child. Ask staff for child. Get more weird looks. Child stayed home sick. Weakly smile, say good bye and depart.

Sure, like these things never happen to you. At work I cannot figure out how to put in the exact time I need to use the microwaves, so I just hit the “add minute” button a couple of times and stand by. I’ve fallen up steps and on sidewalks with no obvious obstacles. I’ve sprayed aerosol glue on something when I thought I was spraying canned air. Imagine that oh-shit moment!

You will never spot me chewing gum and walking at the same time. I know my limitations. This might also give you an indication as to why I firmly believe in evolution. If your kids aren’t smarter than you, then whoa. My sympathies.