I wish it were curly!

@postaday 216; #postaday2011.

In today’s New York Times is a column written by Judith Newman, an apparent soul sister, a woman with whom I share a common bond, that dwells upon being owned by a head of hair that will not straighten up and fly right no matter who is giving the orders.

My mom told me that because of my hair I could never get away with anything so I better be good.

Having hair that’s frizzy, fuzzy, curly, and kinky makes you a standout as you grow up. You’re easy to spot on the playground, or at that side of the playground where you’re not supposed to be. You’re easy to spot playing dodge ball at the gym, and you get the big, round bruises to show for it. You’re easy to spot at the bar during happy hour, and you might even look easy. When you get THAT JOB, you’re hair is a beacon in a room full of women with long, dark, straight hair, the person who is “one of these things is not like the others…” Then, when you become a mom, the teachers see you coming a mile away, brace themselves, duck, and run for cover.

When you have a head of hair like this, you’re so over what anyone thinks about the way you look that you might as well match the expectations they have: If you do not tame your hair, is there anything about you tame? Probably not.

Realistically, yes there’s a lot I’ve got under control. Despite that, and despite the shelves of hair products I have in the bathroom, my hair defies my orders. I learn to live with it. There’s only so much you can do. Right now I’m favoring a line made for women of color called “Twisted Sista.” The thing about having curly, frizzy, and fuzzy hair, is that I find that the products have to be cycled in and out as they lose their effectiveness. I go from Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner for curly hair or the moisturizing blends, and then go to John Frieda’s Go Blonde leave-in treatment mixed with Moroccan oil or with my new fave, Bio Oil, which is originally for skin but when I had residual left on my hands I started rubbing it into my hair and yay it’s shiny!

I’m so glad my daughters don’t have my hair. Apparently, men don’t really like curly hair. A woman who lands a real power hitter of a guy has straight hair, according to the above mentioned column, quoting Patti Stanger, who auditions women for the Bravo television show “Millionaire Matchmaker.”

Her quote: “Look, it’s not what I want, it’s what wealthy men want,” Patti Stanger said. I had called Ms. Stanger, the star yenta of Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker,” because I’d noticed that whenever she auditions women to meet her millionaires, she almost always tells them to lose the curls. “Curly hair is like redheads — they just don’t get a lot of play,” Ms. Stanger added. “I don’t know why. I just know that to be a dream girl you need straight, long, silky, humidity-resistant hair. Also, I think curly hair reminds them of — well, let’s be polite here. Let’s just say a pterodactyl nest.”

Let’s have fun with that.