Enduring the self-anointed expert.

@postaday 260; #postaday2011.

I bet she voted for President Obama, as did I. I bet she thought she was morally obligated to show her concern for a child with a cough. But really, I don’t know what she was thinking as she stopped the masters swim session last night to bring to my attention (and my coach — Kid1’s social studies teacher, and Kid1’s school principal)  that she noticed my daughter was coughing. News flash: Kid2 has been coughing since the first week of school. Why wouldn’t I be aware?

It was all I could do to not whip my right arm down and spray a wall of water at her. Really? You think I’m not AWARE?

Unsatisfied, she then went over to my daughters, who were playing in a different section of the pool and told them:

  • She was a teacher.
  • Apparently, their mother isn’t worried about them.
  • They could go to school and ask their teacher for medicine.
  • And Kid2 has whooping cough.
  • Which means that she is also a medical professional?
  • Hmmmmm.
This makes me wonder. How empty is this woman’s life? Has she a family? Has she a husband or a significant other? Does she love anyone? Does anyone love her? Is she satisfied with her profession? Or does she drip into lives like a bucket of paint thrown over the world in a cape of misery? Does she make the world groan? She made us groan!
I’m all for health care reform and access to medical care. I think it’s great that preventive health care is being pushed to the masses. But I do think you should reconsider going up to a mother in an East Oahu swimming pool ready to call her out on her parenting skills. Why?
  • You might get splashed.
  • You might have to identify yourself.
  • Your professional skills might be questioned.
  • You might walk away feeling like a horse’s ass. And that would be correct.
As is always the case for me, appropriate responses come later. Rather than waste them, let me put them here:
  • If you’re a teacher, then you’d be familiar with state and federal laws prohibiting the dispensing of medicines at school.
  • If you’re a doctor, you wouldn’t want to upset a child by telling her, without a parent present, what her diagnosis is. Especially in a swimming pool! Especially free of charge!
  • If you’re a Child and Family Services employee, then you would be familiar with the judicial path to attending to Hawaii’s families.
  • If your morals compel you to meddle in the business of strangers, then you could probably find plenty of those in need outside of a private swimming club setting.
In all of these cases, here are some free tips most people have already mastered in life by the time you’re a skinny-assed busybody dressed in Jane Fonda Workout clothes, leg warmers and a sweatband:
  • Mind Your Own Business.
  • Know when to shut your mouth.
  • Know the difference between a happy child and an unhappy child.
  • Know the difference between a healthy child and a child with a chronic disease.
  • Know the difference between a loved child and an abused child.
  • Know the difference between a mother in love with her children and a mother who is not.
  • Know when you’re way out of line.