Would you change anything about yourself?


@postaday 76; #postaday2011

I think we all would change something about ourselves.

I guess our personal histories shape what we are in The Now. If we were to change something about ourselves, we might have to go back into time and alter events in our lives. That can’t be done, so let’s just think about one thing we could change and possibly do it.

I wish I couldn’t tell when people go dark on me. I wish I could say hello to someone, have them say it back, strained or not, and be done with it. I wish I couldn’t tell that they didn’t want to say hello. And then there are those who do not even bother. They avoid eye contact, look straight ahead, emotions shuttered by the well-practiced game face. It’s not shyness, although it might be insecurity. I wish I never said hello to them in the first place. But, out of station, out of respect, out of hope, I throw it out there. And it never boomerangs. It just goes off this precipice, taking my self esteem with it.

Would I change that about myself? Probably not. Can I give up? Can I live without hope? Can I stop reaching out for a connection?

What’s it like to not care about that? Or, what’s it like to be in that position to choose not to reciprocate? What if there were an earthquake or a tsunami and Hawaii was devastated, and I needed you and you needed me?

I guess I would have more confidence. I guess I would develop a thicker skin. I guess I’d happily live in my own world, and rather than feel overlooked, overlook the perceived slights.

Here is a lesson for MiniMe, aka Kid2, and I’m still learning myself.