What NOT to Wear.

@postaday 305; #postaday2011.

Granted I live in Hawaii, where the weather would never tempt me to wear something called “Forever Lazy,” but there it was at the Wal-Mart next door to The Mothership on Keeaumoku Street. I went in after getting my Starbucks, in my own mug, to find Carrie who had to run in and get something.

Don't. It's a slippery slope to forever fat.

Like a singing siren, the wall dedicated to the “As Seen On TV” products draws me. I’m in Wal-Mart at 6:20 a.m. If you see me looking at it, then guess what? You’re in there, too, and we’re the people seen in Wal-Mart. No one takes my picture because I’m not wearing head-to-toe orange fishnet, or flesh-colored tights, or my bra on the outside of my T-shirt. Nope, insignificant in a place where insignificant is a good thing.

But while at the wall, I saw the “Forever Lazy” box and I just had to take a picture. Maybe if you live in the higher elevations of Hawaii you’d need this Snuggy that grew arms, legs and pockets. It has deep pockets, a two-way zipper, a cozy hood and a zippered back-hatch. You can’t unthink that. I’m so sorry. It even has its own page on Facebook that you can like. Like it just to unlike it!

Maybe if you were traveling to the mainland, you’d want to have this on the plane. But for the most part, this is unnecessary in our Island climate.

It’s dangerous to wear something like this no matter where you live. You will pull it on and you will not see the fat rolls on your back. Your thighs will not rub and chafe against each other. You will not pop a button at the waist. You also will not think that you need to lift weights, pedal a bicycle or plank in public. You will not think twice about eating all of the ice cream, all of the nachos, and all of the leftovers in the refrigerator, then go out and see what you can find in the garage refrigerator.

And what a name! “Forever Lazy?” Are you kidding me? It’s like telling someone to pay $33 to wear something that really says “Kick Me, I’m Stupid.” And who spends $33 for a gag gift? Who in the 99 percent can pay $33 for a gag gift?

Although Wal-Mart is where America shops, America must say no to anything called “Forever Lazy.” And that goes for “Eggies,” the “Rhythm Rocker,” and “Slim Away.”