Fitful sleep, strange dreams, self doubt.


@postaday 245; #postaday2011.

Last night I went to bed and immediately my heart raced. It’s so frustrating. I was anxious about the Na Wahine, which isn’t until Sunday. I can’t let that go on for the next five nights or I’ll be a wreck at work and with my family!

You’d think that three days of bicycle riding and swimming would result in my sleeping peacefully. I do let life get to me. I am the person who always thinks the worse when I don’t hear from others, when the deadlines loom, or if I let others down. I always think that it’s the end of the line for me. Yes, I am the Melodramatic Queen, but mellow has nothing to do with it. And then, add on how indulgent the sin of being melodramatic is, well, here comes that Catholic guilt and I dig myself deeper into the quicksand of self doubt.

Weird dream? From my home in Hawaii, I could look east and see California burning, bright orange swaths torching mountain ranges, landslides glowed like lava as they tumbled into the sea. I once dreamed of a jet crashing on the highway next to my house and of going to help search for survivors. These dreams are so real, so I always think they’ll come true. So far, I’ve not had either of them actually happen to me.

So once I get this toxic spill out and onto my blog, I hope to be done with it and I hope my day flows well. Never ask how things could be worse, because they could. Always ask how things could be better, because it’s in our power to make that happen, too.