Invigorating Insecurity

Since I’m still a young, vibrant, and daring risk taker, and because I have a fantastic support system, I’m finally giving myself a chance to relax into this mode of self fulfillment. It is the hardest thing for me to do. I have never put myself first without letting it be accompanied by guilt and embarrassment. In fact, it’s pretty embarrassing to assert the ME before the WE even today. It is something I am letting wash over me.

I enjoy the puzzle of life and the search for peace. My pleasures come from my family, my marriage, my quest to be a triathlete, my writing, and the turtle I swim over when out in the ocean. I’ve enjoyed jobs I’ve had, and I’ve also suffered at work. Now that I’m a writer in the wild, I’m letting myself work in the yard while I write in my head. I plant seeds and I pull weeds, I get things done while not missing the metaphor for the work I am also doing within my heart and soul.

A few months ago I was asked to read and review “I Believe: When What You Believe Matters!” by Eldon Taylor. It’s a Hay House publication, with which a lot of people who are into the search for fulfillment are familiar. I have read “The Secret” and its subsequent life manuals and I feel as though I still have this thorn of disbelief that I need to work out of my system.

I get skeptical. Why can’t we all conclude that people who write and sell life guides are successful because so many people are willing to pay for their words? How many of us think, I’d like to get into that life coaching racket and make heaps of money selling my book and hypnosis CDs on QVC and eBay? How many of us say hell no I ain’t walkin’ on hot coals?

But then you get to the point where you figure, why the heck not? It’s true that when you’re feeling good, the goodness grows. When you help someone out, you feel a lot better yourself. When you smile at somebody who is down in the dumps, that smile might turn their whole world around.

This morning I was down in the dumps. A tourist taking pictures of the beautiful Hawaii scenery smiled at me and I let it cheer me right up. I thought to myself, I should smile back, and it was kind of hard to do, I was all stiff in the face like the Tin Man, but I managed and I was so grateful for that one little greeting from a stranger. Such a simple act, so easy to return. Why can’t we all be like that?

“I Believe:…”, if you’re ready for it, will help you examine your inner navel. It is easy to remain in a funk. Just like exercise, it’s hard to take that first step to change thoughts that have been  embedded into your self talk for your entire life. I’ve made a commitment to like me and appreciate the ups and downs of life. There is value in every experience, and that means there is value in leaving an unsatisfying job, popping an Achille’s tendon, or missing an email. Each of these things has happened to me. I know these things add value in my life. I’m never quite sure where they will take me or what the outcome will be, but I have to give up and let the results wash over me like wavelets as they recede into the ocean and all you hear is the sand singing as salty sea foam bubbles pop. Be quiet, listen, wonder.

More often than not I let myself recede into the gulf of gloom, and it takes a lot of effort to tell myself to snap out of it. That’s why I’m trying a different tack. Taylor’s “I Believe…” has anecdotes and his take on how best to live. Sometimes we need parables to get through the day. It helps us connect with people who have struggled and have succeeded.

I think a lot of life coaches and modern philosophers aren’t really inventing anything when they market to the insecure. They cite Buddha, Jesus, Aristotle, Socrates, Plato, Mohammed, and Gandhi. They are giving us directions that have existed forever on how to navigate through life.

By lavagal

Hawaii Kai wife and mom. Melanoma Stage 3a Cancer survivor. English Language Arts teacher, English Learners Coordinator, and Paraprofessional Tutor. Super sub teacher. Dormant triathlete. Road cyclist and Masters swimmer. Gardener. Mrs. Fixit. Random dancer. Music Curator. A teenager trapped in an aging body. Did you know 60 is the new 40? It is.


  1. funny – the point about marketing to insecurities – I’m less inclined to overlook the motivations of the life coach types. When you think about the ongoing conflict related to finding fulfillment or contentedness or whatever the hell it is that we all believe we lack and strive to attain, the actual content of the advice is not something that anybody has a monopoly on, or even an innovative or original thought. You’ve got a body of core platitudes which have survived because they either work or fit the fiction we’ve crafted. So much of the struggle we undergo mentally results from the stress of growing, which is a process that continues long after we’ve reached the outer limit of our vertical development. You could not have felt nor understood what you feel and understand now even 10 years ago. I’m a skeptic when it comes to believing people need this cottage industry of self appointed gurus, but maybe that’s a reflection of personal preference. We tutor math and grammar; why not fulfillment? Shit, if somebody paid me good money to tell them to calm the f**k down, I’d grab it.

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