Legislating love

Disasters get in the way of the best-laid plans, don’t they? Darn that Haiti earthquake, the constant media coverage, the anguish of millions, the photos of broken children, the thousands of dead.
Really steals the thunder of, say, a “Traditional Family Values, Social Justice and Voting” rally at the State Capitol this Sunday, January 17, 2010, from 2-330pm. The holier than thou are instructed by iVote Hawaii, the Hawaii Family Forum and the Hawaii Catholic Conference to wear white. I guess that’s to show how much closer to heaven they are compared to the rest of us.
Are you going to counter? Wear a rainbow.
I’m certain I’m stepping on some toes here. But let’s think about love. I’m married to a man. We made an emotional connection, built upon it, got married and now raise a family. We live in a house, we drive a van, we have two kids. I’m sure I’d be welcome at the rally.
But there’s one thing no one has ever made clear to me: How can you be sure that the love between a woman and a woman, between a man and a man, is no better, no more real than the love between a woman and a man?  How can anyone say that their emotional connection, their union of souls, their quirky couplehood is an abomination?
I think G*d is about love. All of these relationships are about love. They’re about realizing the potential of what two people can be together.
Isn’t it more of a sin to live a lie? Doesn’t it make sense that the G*d of love would want us to be true to ourselves?
There is a pocket of time in our lives where we push sexuality to the edge, experiment, get dangerously wild. It’s not something most normal people sustain. It’s there, it isn’t pretty to those around us, but we come to our senses and settle down. If THAT’s their problem, get over it and let the wild hairs fly because they take care of themselves.
Same-sex couples want to live openly, enjoy the same benefits as their heterosexual counterparts. They want to take care of each other, be next of kin, have the right to see each other if one is sent to the hospital for an emergency. They want to share medical benefits, adopt or bear children, protect each other. They want their love validated. What would that cost the rest of us?
It’s presumptuous to think love can be legislated against any particular group of constituents. Think of something else to do with all of that energy. G*d would love to see hearts turn toward Haiti.

By lavagal

Hawaii Kai wife and mom. Melanoma Stage 3a Cancer survivor. English Language Arts teacher, English Learners Coordinator, and Paraprofessional Tutor. Super sub teacher. Dormant triathlete. Road cyclist and Masters swimmer. Gardener. Mrs. Fixit. Random dancer. Music Curator. A teenager trapped in an aging body. Did you know 60 is the new 40? It is.


  1. Good post, Paula. Having both family and friends in same-sex relatationships, it irks me that these “family” organizations think it’s ok to perecute others who don’t conform to their practices. So you don’t like their choices – it’s a free country, deal with it. Why can’t people rally around a very important issue like EDUCATION??

  2. You amaze me, Lavagal. I think wonderful and heartfelt thoughts all planned out in my head and decide to write them down. I sit in front of a piece of paper with a pencil in my hand poised to write and then – NOTHING! I can’t think of what I just thought. My hand won’t write it. Blank that’s all there is.

  3. Micki:
    Thank you for reading. The hardest part for me is pressing on when no one responds.
    But I have this compulsion to write these things. However, writing a book? A novel? A screen play? A movie? Could I string together my nearly 19,000 tweets into something that could be shaped into a little personal economic boom? Sigh! Love that you came by, read my blog and left a note. Mahalo from the deepest parts of my being!

  4. Paula,
    You have a gift. You can take a polarizing issue and pare it down to the simple truth. What does love have to do with it? Absolutely everything.

    Keep on writing because you do it so well.

  5. well said girlfriend… I couldn’t agree with you more. Isn’t this supposed to be the land of we are all crated equal??? I could go on but you got the point.

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