When it’s not easy to write.

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Like now. I prefer to write about positive things, and I don’t like to cloud the blog with an overcast atmosphere. I guess that results in everyone thinking I’m on top of the world all the time, but it’s not the case. Is it ever the case for everyone, all the time? Probably not.

I’ve lost a little momentum in getting our house in order. I think it’s the heat. We’ve taken bags to the nearby Goodwill kiosk, and we are preparing bicycles and bicycle gear for the Island Triathlon & Bike swap and shop on April 27. We’re selling 4-5 bikes, FYI. Tomorrow we’ll try to make one big sweep, vacuum, dust, and mop. Our dining room table will be clear. We’ll have a nice family meal.

My triathlon training saves me. I’m enjoying the 2,000-meter swims I’ve been logging in lately. I will ride tonight with my TryFitness teammates to the heights of Kahala, and I will gingerly walk or jog until my sports doctor decides what can be done about my plantar fasciitis. I’m pretty sure I can go all out for Honu on June 1. I’m pretty sure I’ve got a half-Ironman in  me. Every day I’m getting better and better at it.

Now that I’m a bonafide writer in the wild, I’m actively seeking work, projects, creative opportunities, and inspiration to start generating interest in me and paychecks. So, if you hear of anything, please keep me in mind. I think about describing soft breezes as they blow through the sheers at the French doors, the sweat that trickles between one’s shoulder blades when they rip old asphalt off a roof, the spring green potential of seed sprouts poking through the rich soil, the tickle of a tiny crab as it climbs up my thigh while I’m waiting for a wave on my surfboard. Writing that’s pretty much all over the map.

My friend Sue from New Jersey, whom I’ve known since we were both little kids, checks up on me from time to time. This morning she sent me a private message on Facebook, encouraging me to get my wish to the universe first thing in the morning and then forget about it. Fortunately for me I have friends and a husband who see me in a much better light than I see myself. And my children have so much faith in me. I go out to the yard and my cats watch for the lizards that jump when I clip a leaf of kale or inspect the eggplant.

Positives abound in my life. I might appear to be running off a cliff, but I have to believe I’ll stick the landing.

Life is Like Riding a Bicycle

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My last day at HMSA is Friday. I’m thrilled and terrified and excited and anxious all at the same time. What can I say? Bring it on, LIFE!

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein, a really smart guy.

Yesterday I rode my bicycle up Sierra Drive and it was the hardest thing I had ever done on a bicycle. Here are my stats. About 85 percent up the street I started seeing stars, so I had to unclip and get off before I blacked out. I inhaled my Albuterol, sucked down a double latte Power Gel, chased it with some water, and got my lungs back. Then I got back on my bike and rode it all the way to the top. It wasn’t pretty. It was awful. And as I approached the top, Coach Sonya had me zigzag up the street to help me handle the steep grade. I don’t know what that grade is, but I had reached 1,293 feet when I rode around Maunalani Circle and caught my breath. Coach KC was waiting for me up there and I was glad she helped me hustle up that final climb. If it weren’t for TryFitness Hawaii, I never would have even tried. It took me half an hour to get from bottom to top. I was somewhat faster going back down.

One of my favorite things to do on my bike is to fly down Makapu‘u and Heartbreak Hill (Kamiloiki), sometimes going as fast as 40mph. It’s exhilarating and takes less than a minute, as you can imagine. But coming down the winding Sierra Drive had to be done carefully and without that usual sense of free falling I tend to enjoy. It was as much a workout for my hands and forearms as I feathered my brakes all the way down to Waialae Avenue.

Glad I did it? Sure. Do it again? Hellas to the NO! The experience was designed to be more challenging than the bike portion of the Honu Ironman 70.3 triathlon. If I could do this, I could do that on June 1. The swim? Check. The ride? Check. The run? The run? Well, that still needs work. I’m fairly certain that if my swim and ride are on the swift side, I’ll finish the run within the allotted time.

After the ride I went home and washed the sheets and towels, made pizza dough, started labneh (yogurt cheese), watered the garden, and did that wife and mother thing. And contemplated my future. Life is interesting.

To keep my balance, I must keep moving.

Put a Child On a Plane

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There’s this chasm growing between my 13-year-old daughter and me. It’s OK. I still remember being 13. My mother was much closer to me in age, so I am counting on this age difference between my first born and me to result in a smoother relationship.

Kid1 is better at this life game than I was when I was her age. She plays her cards close. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I allow people to use me, I trust until I am fooled. It’s kind of embarrassing, and I realize I must bury the bones of my past.

She’s in Rome with her high school orchestra and band classmates, her viola was part of her carry-on luggage, she’s got a less-than-iPhone in case she loses it, we tracked her flight from Hawaii to Dulles to Rome with the very cool FlightAware app. I hope I hear from her: a text, an Instagram, an email. I might not. So far I haven’t. She’s been in touch with her Dad and Kid2, and I’m relieved when they let me know she’s reached out. I sent her a text with little emoji hearts, an Italian flag, a violin, a jet plane, musical notes. Just me, trying to be playful and fun and loving.

Our first night without her was quite calm. No shower wars between the sisters about who has to go first, no bickering, no slights. Kid2 read a book after dinner and talked with me a lot. We will enjoy this time together, but we all miss Kid1.

When we were driving to the airport, it reminded me of the ride to the hospital to give birth. I cried because I was happy, but I cried because there was no going back and that the changes that would occur when this new person comes into our lives would be irreversible. Dynamics shift. Our personalities make room for another. Our hearts expand immeasurably.

The experience will be amazing for her. We’re curious, we wish we could watch as she enjoys a true Italian cappuccino, plays her viola with her orchestra, takes in the wonders of the Vatican and the ruins of Rome. Will she share all this, or will she keep these memories locked?

I fumble about for the right key.

 

Honu Triathlon Training Update

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Bento box right above the number. This baby is about to get outfitted for triathlon with new bars and new aerobars. That will be a new experience for me.

Bento box right above the number. This baby is about to get outfitted for triathlon with new bars and new aerobars. That will be a new experience for me.

Last night’s Garmin stats for my/our trainer bike ride in Hawaii Kai: The Garmin stats for my Edge500 has the speed, cadence, and distance on the trainer: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/287282286

The stats for my Garmin 910 has my heart rate during the workout: 
http://connect.garmin.com/activity/287280745. 

Because the Edge500 isn’t paired to the heart rate monitor, its fantastical calorie expenditure statement must be discounted. But holy crappola we worked hard last night!

Then we had an amazing spread of healthy food. Most of us brought some fresh and delicious salads to share, and one of our hosts grilled steaks and sausages. A good meal was had by all! I had never had a WholeFoods pizza before, and the whole-wheat crust was almost as wonderful as my own! KC gave us a demo on her slaw, which has a great mustard bite to its dressing, and she talked to us about nutrition. It’s important to eat right while we are training, but it’s also important to know what you’re going to eat during the triathlon, specifically on the bike. THAT’S what the bento box is for!

After Tuesday’s run around the track at McKinley High School, my plantar fasciitis hurt for about 30 hours. And I hardly did any running! Just a couple of 400s and a couple of 800s!  So in order to train for the half-marathon run in the Honu Triathlon, I will be doing a lot of aqua-jogging workouts between now and then. It’s important that I do run on terra firma, so I’m going to let my coaches guide me through that painful terrain.

Gold or Porcelain?

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Thank goodness for my husband John because he has talked me off the ledge quite a bit these last few months. I have had my share of private dispair, and I hope that an uptick will soon occur for me. Fortunately, John will push me out the door to ride my bike, go for a pathetic run, or get back into the swim, either solo or with my TryFitness sisters, when all other aspects of life are fraught with landmines.

It makes a huge difference in life when people believe in you, and if I didn’t have that, I wouldn’t be writing this. Oh, and my writing! It is good. I know this because people tell me they like the way I write all the time. But you cannot put a round peg into a square hole and be happy. Sometimes I feel like comic sans in a Times New Roman world.

On Tuesday, February 12, I jumped on the Catholic-Give-Something-Up-For-Lent bandwagon (it’s a backslidin’ Catholic girl’s right) and gave up white flour. What happens when you give up white flour? You give up much more: No white flour snacks and desserts, no hamburger rolls, no side of mac salad, no katsu, etc. There is a lot you can eat though: rice, rice noodles, oatmeal, quinoa, barley, and whole-wheat products. I started making my own home-made, whole-wheat pasta and pizza crusts. I’ve been drinking a lot more water, and fresh fruit and vegetables. So a month later I’m down seven pounds. Not much, but, pretty good for me.

What has helped is the Honu Half-Ironman fitness regimen with my TryFitness sisters. We rest on Mondays, we work out together on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays; and we work out independently the other days. I’m doing nearly all of the independent workouts. I really don’t mind that I’m the slowest and quite possibly the oldest woman in the group, because I’m in it to make me better, and to be part of a bigger movement, the one where about 15 of us get together to bond and support each other.

This morning John and I went to the dentist and I had to have a molar prepped for a crown. Half my face was numbed and it was a very crappy 45 minutes with Steve Martin in my face. JOKE, of course. I’ll go back for a fitting in a few weeks and for my new crown in May. I’ve decided to go with gold because you won’t see it anyway, and they last longest.

I was very sad after that appointment. We were driving to my next appointment to have lab work done, and John said to me that this was all a part of getting old. I’m a little bit pissed about this. I’m not really ready to be a little old lady. There’s too much to do. The best is yet to come. Crooked smiles and all.

 

Swim, Bike, Run, Mom. Yes, Me.

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I bought this book a few months ago and last night I picked it up again. It’s by Meredith Atwood and its called “Triathlon for the Every Woman: You Can Be A Triathlete. Yes. You.” Kona triathlete Bree Wee wrote a preface (she’s my mini hero, tiny and fast and funny), as did Chrissy Wellington, triathlete extraordinaire. And since I’ve been doing a few triathlons over the last couple of years, and still feeling like the fat old lady out there, I thought getting an autographed copy from Meredith might inspire me. I LIKED her Swim Bike Mom Facebook page, and I recommend you do the same if you’re a woman toying with the idea of loving yourself through the pain of swimming, riding bicycle, and running, without stopping, until you’re through and it’s dark and you’re not quite sure there’s anything left inside your mind or your cells or your feet.

That could be me. I’m doing the Honu Half-Ironman in Kona on June 1.

Because I’m so busy and so exhausted and so frazzed all the time, I skip around when I pick the book up. I know, I’m sorry, Meredith. I’m doing what I can! Last night while waiting for Kid1 while she was in her viola lesson, I sat in the van and read the chapter about nutrition. And a lot of it was about the SCALE. The. DREADED. SCALE. Meredith talks about how that mofo drives her up the wall. She spoke of disconnecting from the scale, and she addressed the input she got from others of how they couldn’t give up the scale.

This morning, I wish I had not gotten on the scale. But I did, and I’m pretty sure there’s a dark and gray cloud hovering over me now.

Why did I get on the scale? Well, for the last three weeks I’ve eliminated white flour. I’ve made whole-wheat thin pizza crusts, whole-wheat, home-made pasta, ate more fruit and veggies than ever, cut back on sweetened coffee, and even drank less wine (ME!). My waist looked a little thinner this morning. The fat pants slid on and had room. But I’m still in fat pants. So I got on the scale. And I could have cried.

But let’s put it this way: My fat pants have always been the same size: 12. I really like being a size 10, and that can’t be too hard to get back down to. When I weighed 30 pounds less I wore a size 12. You see how weird this is? To weigh tons more and still get to say fat pants are size 12? And give me this: I’m 54 and my body has been sticking its toe in the menopause pool for two years now. I think I’m in the middle of it, or getting through it now, but you can never be sure. It has thickened my waist. I cannot stand it. I have friends, fellow women triathletes, who are older than me and have slimmed down. I’m hopeful.

On March 12 I begin Honu training with my TryFitness sisters. We’ll meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Sundays. Kid1&2 can’t wait! Mom will be working out and maybe start feeling better about herself again. I know my husband likes the after effects of a wife who’s worked out. He’s looking forward to getting his happy wife back.

I’m a little terrified about the Honu. Last Saturday I was in the Haleiwa Sprint Triathlon. While swimming among the thrash of other swimmers, I thought how much I hated it. But I knew I had to get through it, and so I incorporated some of the training Joe and Tom Lileikis taught me during Masters swimming at The Oahu Club: I moved my arms up and down along my body, keeping them close, avoiding connecting with the other swimmers, it worked and I moved efficiently through the water. Despite the dizziness as I emerged, my swim time was pretty good. I knew that once I was on my bicycle I could get a jump on how slow my run would be. My leg problems (healed burst tendon, knee pain, swelling, excess fluid, and now plantar fasciitis in the other foot) are a bit of a pain to work out. My sports doctor says I should just stop running, but he says it’s OK with him if I do triathlons because it’s not all running.

About those fat pants: Surely, the new eating habits will pay off, right? I can’t give up.

Haleiwa Triathlon, HPH 10k

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Third place, winners' circle. Age group: 50-54, Women Who Refuse To Act Their Age.

Third place, winners’ circle. Age group: 50-54, Women Who Refuse To Act Their Age.

On Saturday I completed my first triathlon of 2013. On Sunday I completed my first and probably only 10k of 2013. In about two weeks Try Fitness training for the June 1 Honu 70.3  begins.

Finishing the bike leg.

Finishing the bike leg.

While doing these events I thought about getting in shape for Honu. When I plunged into the ocean for the 500+ meter swim at Puena Point, the anxiety hit as I was thrashed and tried to get by the crazy confusion of other swimmers. At this distance, the swimmers don’t get a chance to thin out and you’re shoulder to shoulder with others no matter how hard you try to break away. I got to the end and lost my balance trying to get out on the beach. Gotta work on all that. The transition from swim to bike was a long run across the beach and through a park to the T1 transition area to get on the bike. My T1 took a long time. My right leg was bleeding. Scratched by another swimmer or a cut on the rocks?

Finishing the run, coming from the beach. Haleiwa is a pretty little town.

Finishing the run, coming from the beach. Haleiwa is a pretty little town.

I made up for the slow T1 on the bike, which is where I can get a sense of accomplishment, I can really crank the watts, and I take advantage of the right gears up and down the hills. When I saw John’s photos of me on the bike I got upset about holiday weight gain, months after Xmas and New Years. A few weeks ago I gave up white flour and I’ve been very good about eating plenty of fruit and vegetables and drinking water every day. If I hadn’t I’d probably have looked worse.

Colleagues Val Yamamoto and Dara Hubin and I were part of the 1,440 finishers in the HPH Women's 10k run. They both did great!

Colleagues Val Yamamoto and Dara Hubin and I were part of the 1,440 finishers in the HPH Women’s 10k run. They both did great!

My transition to the run was fairly easy, and I wasn’t too disoriented as I started. However, the Haleiwa tri takes you down a beach, around the bend, along an abandoned and overgrown airport runway to a turnaround, back along the runway to a wooded area and another turnaround, and back to the beach into the sand and dunes and debris along the tide line.

Queen Kapiolani. Many events begin and end at her park between Waikiki and Diamond Head.

Queen Kapiolani. Many events begin and end at her park between Waikiki and Diamond Head.

Some how I managed to get third place, a little award, and a sense of accomplishment.

Next was the Hawaii Pacific Health Women’s 10k. Out of 1,440 women, I came in 867 place at 01:25:34. Compared to my triathlon stats, my run was considerably better, probably because it was all pavement, and a course with which I am familiar. If it weren’t for my good TryFitness and HPH friends, I probably wouldn’t have found it in me to finish strong.

I cannot say I was thrilled with my results or how I looked this weekend as I took part in my first 2013 events, but I guess these, and last week’s bicycle time trial, are good benchmarks to start from.

Results from both of these events are at the Pacific Sport Events & Timing website: http://pseresults.com/events/recent. The Haleiwa Triathlon photos are by my husband John. A friend took the picture of Val, Dara, and me. And I took the photos of the roses with the statue.

Yes, I’m a BEFORE again. Next week, the Hapalua Half Marathon. Gotta figure out this plantar fasciitis before then.

Roses for the Queen. Each finisher of the HPH Women's 10k was given a rose. Mine was a pretty yellow one.

Roses for the Queen. Each finisher of the HPH Women’s 10k was given a rose. Mine was a pretty yellow one.

Mentally, I hope these small accomplishments can help me in other areas of my life.